Jesus, You Love Me More

I walked along this path called life searching for something I could not find.
I looked high and low; near and far; this place and that.
I searched for a love that would somehow complete me;
the kind of love I looked for that would fill the gaping whole in my chest I was so desperately trying to close.
I looked for this love in my family - one member after another.
Though their love was full and great, it was not enough to drown out the pain that gnawed at my heart.
I looked for this love in friends - girl friends and guy friends alike.
They too had a deep and sincere love, but it was a poor attempt to patch my heart together.
Finally I looked for love in boys - one relationship after another.
As one relationship would end another would start. Though this love seemed to fill the hole for a while, it only left the hole bigger after it ended.
After many failed attempts at finding love on my own love finally found me.
It searched for me from one end of the earth to the other - searching for MY heart in every place.
This love paid the ultimate price for me - life.
I did nothing to deserve this love; I didn't even know this love existed.
But it's here and now.
Jesus, you love me more than any one else can.
Your love is deeper, it is richer, it is purer than anything this world can offer me.
It satisfies my soul when I am wanting. It holds my heart when I am hurting. It reminds me of the unfathomable sincerity and unmatchable greatness when I try to find love in other places.
Jesus, you are the only one I need. You are the only one my heart truly yearns for.
Would you continue to remind me of who you are and how your love casts out all other fears.
Continue to woo my heart and let me fall deeper in love with you.

Boys and Girls

I'm sitting here laughing as I avoid the remainder of pages in my English Composition book (over 40 pages of reading in just ONE of the books we were assigned to - and it's not a novel book. Needless to say I was a little annoyed for the second day of class). The reason I am laughing is because of the difference between how a boy thinks vs. how a girl thinks. In the kitchen, not 20 feet away from where I am sitting, I hear Seth and Hadassah (my younger brother and sister) engage in a conversation that is so typical and clearly defines the logical method men use and the emotional method (or sometimes a lack-thereof) that women use.
Hadassah begins the conversation as she begins to cry over some unknown catastrophe. Seth, immediately in annoyed older brother mode, asks, "Hadassah, WHY are you CRYING?!" She responds with, "Because of my hotdog!" (Sniff, sniff) "What ABOUT your hotdog?" "It has Ketchup on it!" :(
At this point I am already chuckling at the absurdity of the 'dilemma.' Though I was giggling, Seth, being the practical older brother, tells her to wipe it off. Hadassah, seeing a glimmer of hope in the most devastating of circumstances, asks him how she should wipe it off to which Seth responds, "Your finger." Hadassah, immediately repelled by the retort, drops the subject and I am silently rolling on the floor (my door was open, so there was no hope whatsoever in keeping my laughter to myself without covering my mouth).
I just laughed and laughed thinking of various times that I have probably put different men throughout my life in similar situations where they are completely confused as to what the real problem is. It was just a funny little thing I witnessed that further proves the difference between how men and women think. :)

Desperation

It's amazing to see how desperate we are for God, yet how we can't see that desperation until HE reveals it to us. Lately I have just yearned to be with Jesus. I won't lie to you and say that I have satisfied that yearning every time. In fact, I haven't more times than I have - something that is quite humbling to admit. I feel like Paul when he is writing to the Romans and says 'what I want to do I don't do, but what I don't want to do, I do.' (paraphrased of course). Yet I have been jobless for the last year now and in the last few months have needed Jesus more than ever. I just recently started school at the local community college and realized that it will be a great opportunity for me to share my thoughts on the Lord and how everything we do comes as a result of our worldview of God (I'm very excited about my ethics class!) :)
God is everywhere and we cannot escape our need for him. I'm looking forward to this school year to see what he does in my life as he reminds me of my desperate need for him. My prayer is that he will show me how to show those around me in my classes and (hopefully) my work environment as I do what I want to do and press into him more and more! I pray that for you as well. :)

Okay, this is going to be a little less than thrilling for all you dog lovers out there

Alright now, I'm not really an animal person all around, but I thought this was funny.

Life at home has been a bit stressful just with lots of toddlers running around, spending most of my time on vacation than actually at my house and still needing to unpack my dorm stuff (a project I'm trying to tackle today). Anyway, I promise more is coming! In the meantime I hope you find this as humorous as I did. :)

Excerpts from the Dog's Daily Diary

8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - OH boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

Excerpts from the Cat's Daily Diary

Day 283 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house-plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of and try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmm...not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move, Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

"Esther" by Esterlyn

"He heals the broken hearted,
He binds their wounds
He is love

He finds those forgotten,
Those who have been abused
He is love

He knows your name

A father to the fatherless
A healer to the brokenness
You make beauty from the ashes
A helper to the helpless
A fighter to the hopeless
You love those who are alone

He comforts the lonely,
He hears their cry
He is love

He holds the children,
Throughout the night
He is love

A father to the fatherless
A healer to the brokenness
You make beauty from the ashes
A helper to the helpless
A fighter to the hopeless
You love those who are alone

Give us your heart Lord
Help us love the unseen
Give us your eyes Lord
Help us love those in need"

Convicted

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
but have not love,
I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
And if I have prophetic powers,
and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains,
but have not love,
I AM NOTHING.
If I give away all I have,
and if I deliver up my body to be burned,
but have not love,
I GAIN NOTHING."
- 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

What truth to be hit over the head with. Yesterday morning I went to Buns by the Lake, a local sort of "mom and pop" bakery. I was just setting up my computer to begin my long day of work since I had procrastinated long enough that I had the majority of my charts to do for the book of Matthew. I was the only other customer in the store since it was still fairly early in the morning when a man (possibly in his late 30's or early 40's) came in and ordered. He looked at me with an interesting glance as he walked in, but considering I was looking at him as well, I didn't think much of it. He came over and asked if it was my Colorado license out there to which I responded 'Yes.'
This got us to talking about many different things, among which was his second question of how I ended up in Somers, MT. I told him I was attending Bible college in Lakeside just down the road. A smile crept up on his face and this started my hour long conversation with this man. I was very concerned about my time, but God has been speaking to me a lot about getting out into the community and I believe that this includes the remainder of my time here in Montana. This man was very interesting to talk to since many of his thoughts had to do with quantum physics - something I know next to nothing about! However, he did believe in God - though he himself is not a church-goer. Through the course of our discussion I came to realize that he must have been deeply wounded by the church since even at my mention of Jesus commanding us to love one another he cringed. He didn't like the idea of God "commanding" us to do anything, he simply thought it was a "suggestion." He and I continued our conversation for awhile and then we parted ways.
This morning I was reading and, though I was not looking for this specific passage, I came to 1 Corinthians 13. I was convicted within the first three verses of the chapter in relation to my conversation I had with the man yesterday. I never caught his name, but I prayed for him after our discussion. Yet, one of his biggest arguments against the word "command" was that he thought it painted a picture of condemnation by God. What have we done as a church to give the lost this impression of the commandments of God? Do we look at his commandments as a chore, or as a joy? God's heart for us is that we love one another because HE FIRST LOVED US! I was convicted in the little things like laughing at some of the things he was saying - not to say they weren't funny, but am I really loving that person if I'm not loving them through my words both in front of him and behind his back? I guess this commandment is not always something we take seriously as Christians. This is the greatest commandment of all - to love both God and people. It has been a long time since I thought about how I love those who seem unloveable. Jesus is the one who touched the lepers when no one else would and he did it without laughing about their situation later. We, as the body of Christ, are called to live as he lived. Yet the impression that we give people of the love of God is wrong. We have made it seem "too hard" or like a joke and I believe it breaks the heart of God. I want to learn how to love people as he did - I want to be the one to touch the lepers when no one else will. I want to be the one who, rather than laughing at something as silly as a man trying to explain that everything (inlcuding inanimate objects) goes to heaven, I pray for his salvation and total truth to be revealed to him. I pray that as the body of Christ we would really do that by doing what he did through loving the unloveable. They are desperate for his love!

I've been to this temple in Chiang Rai, Thailand. It is called Wat Rong Khun and the most elaborate temple in all of Thailand. This is a picture of hell and the Thai people must pay to pass through the bridge (the hands are all around the outside to represent that the spiritually pure may enter the Buddhist temple.

Christ With Me

"Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye of everyone who sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me."
- St. Patrick

God, this is my prayer! I want everyone I come into contact with and everyone who hears of my testimony to see your fingerprints all over me. I don't want them to think I have done anything on my own but let them know the extent of your grace in my life. Let everything I say and think always reflect you and your love for humanity. Would you be my everything, O God?