Arithmetic by Brooke Fraser

I've been staring at the sky tonight,
Marveling and passing time;
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine.
You are the one I want, you are the one I want.

I've been thinking of changing my mind;
It never stays the same for long.
But of all the things I know for sure
You're the only certain one.
You are the one I want, you are the one I want.

I've been counting up all my wrongs
One sorry for each star.
See I'd apologize my way to you
If the heavens stretched that far.
You are the one I want, you are the one I want.

I won't find what I am looking for
If I only "see" by keeping score.
'Cause I know now you are so much more than arithmetic.

'Cause if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back.
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are the one
I want.

When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone,
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song

You'll still be the one I want.

Love

What is love? So many people spend their whole lives searching for it, but don't know what it looks like or how to find it. So many songs have been written asking "What is love?" "Is this love?" "When will I find love?"
The Bible talks about love from start to finish. It depicts the love of family, the love of friends and neighbors, romantic love and most importantly the love of God. It says that "God is love" (1 John 4:16). In 1 Corinthians love is described with many different adjectives:
Love is patient and kind; loves does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
All of the words used to describe what love is and what it is not are action words. Kindness does not simply sit dormant in a person, but it is revealed through their actions and words. Patience is not expressed by oneself, but in the presence of those around him/her. Insisting on one's own way could be expressed verbally or non-verbally through one's actions, but it is an expression both ways.
I love the song, "Love is a Verb" by DC Talk. I remember my brother listening to it when we were younger and I never understood what the song was saying. There is another song called "Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield. The lyrics are absolutely moving. It says that, "To some, love is a word that they can fall into. But when they're falling out keeping that word is hard to do." It goes on to say that love is a shelter in a raging storm - describing love as a safety net in ways. Another part of the song discusses that "Love is not a place to go as we please. It's a house we enter in and then commit to never leave."

Love is a choice. We choose to love the people closest to us; it is not something we follow by obligation, but something we do out of the choice we made to remain faithful and steadfast to that other person - regardless of if it is a friend, spouse, or a family member we haven't seen in 10+ years. We reveal that love through our actions and words to communicate the choice we have made in our hearts.

Many of my friends have gotten married or engaged in the last year or so. I am so excited to see where God takes them with their newly found significant other and the plans that he unfolds before them. My prayer for all of you is that you will always remember that love is an active choice that we make. May you actively love your families and friends around you through your words and actions; love is the number one commandment God asks of us because it is the most important for both the Lord and those around us. We all need to know that we are loved and feel it strongly so that we can remind ourselves of that love when we are feeling unloved.

Week of Wedding and End of School

Oh goodness. This week is my final week of school (And all the angels sing: "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!". I have two pretty big tests on Thursday and an in-class essay to write and then I'm basically done this week. I have to come back for one more final for my history class next week, but that's not until Tuesday. Anyway, this is all very exciting and all, but I also have a wedding that I'm in on Saturday complete with loads of wedding festivities this week while trying to prepare for tests. So, on Thursday after my final class ends at 6:45 I will be running like crazy to try and get to a bachelorette party all the way down south at 7:30 (and I don't usually get home until about 7:00 if I leave class right away and drive to my house which is about 5-7 minutes away). The bachelorette is an overnight deal, so the next morning I believe the plan is to go to the church and help decorate before the rehearsal brunch later in the day. After that I am having a friend spend the night (who is also a bridesmaid) at my house so that we can get up at the crack of dawn and do hair/makeup before pictures at 10:00 am (also clear the heck downtown). The wedding will start at 1:00 and then we will party hardy for the next several hours. Boy oh boy. I don't really know why I'm writing about this actually, but I'm just trying to map it all out in my head and try to swallow all the things I need to do before school ends.
I really do like weddings, and school isn't too bad (I've had a fairly easy semester), but this week is enough to make me go crazy... :p

As Deep Cries Out to Deep

Lately the Lord has just been pressing upon my heart this idea of deep crying out to deep. It started as I was listening to the song "Always" by Hillsong United; my heart was just so moved by the words of the song since that is exactly where I am at right now in my walk with the Lord ("Cause all you are is all I want always. Draw me close in your arms, O God, I wanna be with you."). Then I just started thinking (certainly had to be God, since I am not nearly that clever) about how as people we seek after depth, whether it be depth in friendships, romantic relationships, spirituality (in all sorts of forms), or something else.
Contrary to what pop culture tells us, humans are deep individuals who are not satisfied with what this world gives us because it is not enough. Are we selfish? Sure we are, but it goes beyond that. The reason we are not satisfied is because we so long for deeper meaning in life. God is such a big part of that deeper meaning that we need fulfilled, but relationships with other people are also a huge part of that. God meant for us to have fellowship with him AND each other! Let me say that again, God meant for us to have fellowship with him AND each other!!!
I know for myself I have always been under the impression that the only thing I need is Jesus and anytime I would get hurt by one of my friends it was no big deal because I didn't need them anyway. But that is so not what Jesus is about! He intended for us to have relationship with one another or he would never have given Eve to Adam in the very beginning of the world. The three of them had equal fellowship together. This is not to say that we do not need the Lord, because certainly we do. But what I am proposing is that it doesn't have to be an either or, it is both. One of my friends said one time (though he did steal it from one of his friends, so really I am quoting two people) that, "Some of the greatest things we learn about God we learn through the lives of the people around us." That is so true! We cannot have a healthy relationship with God unless we are in deep relationships with other people because we practice with them all of the things God is teaching us.
Something that is so sad to me is how our culture is obsessed with this idea of romance. All of the songs on the radio have to do with romantic ideas whether that be Taylor Swift's "Love Story" song, or "Whatcha Say" by Jason DeRulo. But if you think about it, dating relationships can be some of the deepest relationships we experience. It makes sense that people would want a part of that and would seek out others when those ones don't work out. But what if our other relationships were just as deep as those ones? What would happen? I wager to bet that our culture would become less enthralled with the idea of romantic love when all of our other relationships changed because we sought one another out and worked toward the goal of digging deeper.
I want to dig deeper in all of my relationships because I feel that's what God wants for all of us. We can do that by pursuing our friendships (and romantic relationships - please understand I am not trying to downplay that at all, because I think they are good and we learn a lot from them) instead of allowing ourselves to become apathetic about them. Choosing to do more than text or call, but writing letters just to write them or setting up regular "coffee dates" is a fantastic way to pursue those friendships. These are things I know I need to work on since I am not always the best at communication, but it's my lifetime goal to dig deep with you -the ones I call my friends.

Jesus, You Love Me More

I walked along this path called life searching for something I could not find.
I looked high and low; near and far; this place and that.
I searched for a love that would somehow complete me;
the kind of love I looked for that would fill the gaping whole in my chest I was so desperately trying to close.
I looked for this love in my family - one member after another.
Though their love was full and great, it was not enough to drown out the pain that gnawed at my heart.
I looked for this love in friends - girl friends and guy friends alike.
They too had a deep and sincere love, but it was a poor attempt to patch my heart together.
Finally I looked for love in boys - one relationship after another.
As one relationship would end another would start. Though this love seemed to fill the hole for a while, it only left the hole bigger after it ended.
After many failed attempts at finding love on my own love finally found me.
It searched for me from one end of the earth to the other - searching for MY heart in every place.
This love paid the ultimate price for me - life.
I did nothing to deserve this love; I didn't even know this love existed.
But it's here and now.
Jesus, you love me more than any one else can.
Your love is deeper, it is richer, it is purer than anything this world can offer me.
It satisfies my soul when I am wanting. It holds my heart when I am hurting. It reminds me of the unfathomable sincerity and unmatchable greatness when I try to find love in other places.
Jesus, you are the only one I need. You are the only one my heart truly yearns for.
Would you continue to remind me of who you are and how your love casts out all other fears.
Continue to woo my heart and let me fall deeper in love with you.

Boys and Girls

I'm sitting here laughing as I avoid the remainder of pages in my English Composition book (over 40 pages of reading in just ONE of the books we were assigned to - and it's not a novel book. Needless to say I was a little annoyed for the second day of class). The reason I am laughing is because of the difference between how a boy thinks vs. how a girl thinks. In the kitchen, not 20 feet away from where I am sitting, I hear Seth and Hadassah (my younger brother and sister) engage in a conversation that is so typical and clearly defines the logical method men use and the emotional method (or sometimes a lack-thereof) that women use.
Hadassah begins the conversation as she begins to cry over some unknown catastrophe. Seth, immediately in annoyed older brother mode, asks, "Hadassah, WHY are you CRYING?!" She responds with, "Because of my hotdog!" (Sniff, sniff) "What ABOUT your hotdog?" "It has Ketchup on it!" :(
At this point I am already chuckling at the absurdity of the 'dilemma.' Though I was giggling, Seth, being the practical older brother, tells her to wipe it off. Hadassah, seeing a glimmer of hope in the most devastating of circumstances, asks him how she should wipe it off to which Seth responds, "Your finger." Hadassah, immediately repelled by the retort, drops the subject and I am silently rolling on the floor (my door was open, so there was no hope whatsoever in keeping my laughter to myself without covering my mouth).
I just laughed and laughed thinking of various times that I have probably put different men throughout my life in similar situations where they are completely confused as to what the real problem is. It was just a funny little thing I witnessed that further proves the difference between how men and women think. :)

Desperation

It's amazing to see how desperate we are for God, yet how we can't see that desperation until HE reveals it to us. Lately I have just yearned to be with Jesus. I won't lie to you and say that I have satisfied that yearning every time. In fact, I haven't more times than I have - something that is quite humbling to admit. I feel like Paul when he is writing to the Romans and says 'what I want to do I don't do, but what I don't want to do, I do.' (paraphrased of course). Yet I have been jobless for the last year now and in the last few months have needed Jesus more than ever. I just recently started school at the local community college and realized that it will be a great opportunity for me to share my thoughts on the Lord and how everything we do comes as a result of our worldview of God (I'm very excited about my ethics class!) :)
God is everywhere and we cannot escape our need for him. I'm looking forward to this school year to see what he does in my life as he reminds me of my desperate need for him. My prayer is that he will show me how to show those around me in my classes and (hopefully) my work environment as I do what I want to do and press into him more and more! I pray that for you as well. :)