New

So many different things to say; where to begin?
New. Driving on the wrong side of the car, windshield wipers on the left side of steering wheel and blinkers on the right.
New. Driving on the left side of the road while passing traffic is on the right. Round abouts everywhere instead of stop signs.

New. There are no stop signs, simply "give way" signs indicating me to yield to traffic.

New. Instead of the right side being the slow traffic lane on the "motorway," otherwise known as the interstate, slow traffic is on the left side.
New. Shortening the words/names of any given word. Example, "I am going to Salvo's" (Salvation Army); "I attended 'uni' for a year before coming to SBS" (university); "Can we meet this alvo?" (Afternoon).

New. Phone numbers here are not comprised of xxx-xxx-xxxx; rather, it is xx-xxxx-xxxx. Therefore, if my phone number was 719-282-8504, in Australia it would be 71-9282-8504.

New. Teaching for the first time this morning as a real staff person.

New. Being nervous to teach and not feeling well to begin with to good dialogue and being able to answer good questions.

New. Discipling an amazing woman who is six years my senior.

New. Our one and only other male staff is going home tomorrow morning, leaving Bryan to disciple our six male students.
New. Feeling lonely due to the current depth of my relationships.

New. Excited for what God is doing in me and how he is teaching me that I only depend on him. He is where I find my identity.

New. Becoming confident in my calling here and in the things he will enable me to do.

New. This adventure I am embarking on. It is exciting, scary, nerve racking and amazing.

Bittersweet Endings and Exciting Adventures

Well, today is the day that could possibly change the rest of my life. I suppose we could say that about everyday of our lives since it is true that we never know what to expect; a simply moment could alter the course of our lives forever. However today I know some of the things I am to expect, for today I am moving away from my comfortable home in Colorado Springs, CO USA to go to a land down under. Today is the day I move to Queensland, Australia in order that I might teach others of the love of my Savior through his Word.

In ways this is a dream come true! I have wanted to visit Australia from the time I studied it in elementary school. The funny thing is I think what initially started my fascination with Aus is the fact that it was its own continent as well as country. Ahh, the logic of a child. :) At any rate, I have wanted to visit ever since. Now I feel like a kid in a candy store as God is asking me if I would like to visit the one place I have merely dreamed about going to. He is SO good to us! I will be on the Sunshine Coast of Australia for the next year or so teaching in a Bible school that I didn't even think I'd be able to finish as a student last year. I feel so inadequate for this role as a teacher and mentor, yet by the same token it has never been about me anyway. I am so excited for God to unleash giftings in me that I have never been able to see before. I know that through Him I will be able to do abundantly more than I ever imagined because THAT is the God I serve.

The reason this is bittersweet, however, is because of the loved ones I will be leaving in just a few short hours. There are so many big things that God is doing here in Colorado Springs and in the lives of the people I am blessed to call family. God is so faithful in pulling us together and closer to him even during the most difficult times we have gone through. Despite the pain of divorce, we have experienced the life of God flow richly through the lives of everyone involved. As children grow up and move on to new things - develop their own families, go on to further their education, and participate in new sports/activities, it becomes more difficult to be away and unable to celebrate with them.
The remaining category of loved ones is friends. I have met so many awesome, awesome people in the last year I have been home. It is so funny the people God brings into our lives; it is so different from who I would picture for myself. The older I get the more I realize that friendships come and go in seasons. Even a year and a half ago I did not expect for the friendships I had to change and move on, let alone be such good friends with those I had never even seen before. Once again, I see the faithfulness of the Lord. He knew exactly who I needed and those I did not in order that I may grow deeper in Him.

I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life in order that I might have such a solid support system for this new journey I am about to partake of. It is so difficult to have to leave these wonderful people, but I know that those friendships with both friends and family will stand the test of time and distance and will be all the more richer when I return. Thank you all so much for the love you have shown me. I look forward to telling you about the crazy adventures I was a part of and you can tell me the crazy adventures you've had on this side of the world.

Arithmetic by Brooke Fraser

I've been staring at the sky tonight,
Marveling and passing time;
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine.
You are the one I want, you are the one I want.

I've been thinking of changing my mind;
It never stays the same for long.
But of all the things I know for sure
You're the only certain one.
You are the one I want, you are the one I want.

I've been counting up all my wrongs
One sorry for each star.
See I'd apologize my way to you
If the heavens stretched that far.
You are the one I want, you are the one I want.

I won't find what I am looking for
If I only "see" by keeping score.
'Cause I know now you are so much more than arithmetic.

'Cause if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back.
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are the one
I want.

When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone,
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song

You'll still be the one I want.

Love

What is love? So many people spend their whole lives searching for it, but don't know what it looks like or how to find it. So many songs have been written asking "What is love?" "Is this love?" "When will I find love?"
The Bible talks about love from start to finish. It depicts the love of family, the love of friends and neighbors, romantic love and most importantly the love of God. It says that "God is love" (1 John 4:16). In 1 Corinthians love is described with many different adjectives:
Love is patient and kind; loves does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
All of the words used to describe what love is and what it is not are action words. Kindness does not simply sit dormant in a person, but it is revealed through their actions and words. Patience is not expressed by oneself, but in the presence of those around him/her. Insisting on one's own way could be expressed verbally or non-verbally through one's actions, but it is an expression both ways.
I love the song, "Love is a Verb" by DC Talk. I remember my brother listening to it when we were younger and I never understood what the song was saying. There is another song called "Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield. The lyrics are absolutely moving. It says that, "To some, love is a word that they can fall into. But when they're falling out keeping that word is hard to do." It goes on to say that love is a shelter in a raging storm - describing love as a safety net in ways. Another part of the song discusses that "Love is not a place to go as we please. It's a house we enter in and then commit to never leave."

Love is a choice. We choose to love the people closest to us; it is not something we follow by obligation, but something we do out of the choice we made to remain faithful and steadfast to that other person - regardless of if it is a friend, spouse, or a family member we haven't seen in 10+ years. We reveal that love through our actions and words to communicate the choice we have made in our hearts.

Many of my friends have gotten married or engaged in the last year or so. I am so excited to see where God takes them with their newly found significant other and the plans that he unfolds before them. My prayer for all of you is that you will always remember that love is an active choice that we make. May you actively love your families and friends around you through your words and actions; love is the number one commandment God asks of us because it is the most important for both the Lord and those around us. We all need to know that we are loved and feel it strongly so that we can remind ourselves of that love when we are feeling unloved.

Week of Wedding and End of School

Oh goodness. This week is my final week of school (And all the angels sing: "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!". I have two pretty big tests on Thursday and an in-class essay to write and then I'm basically done this week. I have to come back for one more final for my history class next week, but that's not until Tuesday. Anyway, this is all very exciting and all, but I also have a wedding that I'm in on Saturday complete with loads of wedding festivities this week while trying to prepare for tests. So, on Thursday after my final class ends at 6:45 I will be running like crazy to try and get to a bachelorette party all the way down south at 7:30 (and I don't usually get home until about 7:00 if I leave class right away and drive to my house which is about 5-7 minutes away). The bachelorette is an overnight deal, so the next morning I believe the plan is to go to the church and help decorate before the rehearsal brunch later in the day. After that I am having a friend spend the night (who is also a bridesmaid) at my house so that we can get up at the crack of dawn and do hair/makeup before pictures at 10:00 am (also clear the heck downtown). The wedding will start at 1:00 and then we will party hardy for the next several hours. Boy oh boy. I don't really know why I'm writing about this actually, but I'm just trying to map it all out in my head and try to swallow all the things I need to do before school ends.
I really do like weddings, and school isn't too bad (I've had a fairly easy semester), but this week is enough to make me go crazy... :p

As Deep Cries Out to Deep

Lately the Lord has just been pressing upon my heart this idea of deep crying out to deep. It started as I was listening to the song "Always" by Hillsong United; my heart was just so moved by the words of the song since that is exactly where I am at right now in my walk with the Lord ("Cause all you are is all I want always. Draw me close in your arms, O God, I wanna be with you."). Then I just started thinking (certainly had to be God, since I am not nearly that clever) about how as people we seek after depth, whether it be depth in friendships, romantic relationships, spirituality (in all sorts of forms), or something else.
Contrary to what pop culture tells us, humans are deep individuals who are not satisfied with what this world gives us because it is not enough. Are we selfish? Sure we are, but it goes beyond that. The reason we are not satisfied is because we so long for deeper meaning in life. God is such a big part of that deeper meaning that we need fulfilled, but relationships with other people are also a huge part of that. God meant for us to have fellowship with him AND each other! Let me say that again, God meant for us to have fellowship with him AND each other!!!
I know for myself I have always been under the impression that the only thing I need is Jesus and anytime I would get hurt by one of my friends it was no big deal because I didn't need them anyway. But that is so not what Jesus is about! He intended for us to have relationship with one another or he would never have given Eve to Adam in the very beginning of the world. The three of them had equal fellowship together. This is not to say that we do not need the Lord, because certainly we do. But what I am proposing is that it doesn't have to be an either or, it is both. One of my friends said one time (though he did steal it from one of his friends, so really I am quoting two people) that, "Some of the greatest things we learn about God we learn through the lives of the people around us." That is so true! We cannot have a healthy relationship with God unless we are in deep relationships with other people because we practice with them all of the things God is teaching us.
Something that is so sad to me is how our culture is obsessed with this idea of romance. All of the songs on the radio have to do with romantic ideas whether that be Taylor Swift's "Love Story" song, or "Whatcha Say" by Jason DeRulo. But if you think about it, dating relationships can be some of the deepest relationships we experience. It makes sense that people would want a part of that and would seek out others when those ones don't work out. But what if our other relationships were just as deep as those ones? What would happen? I wager to bet that our culture would become less enthralled with the idea of romantic love when all of our other relationships changed because we sought one another out and worked toward the goal of digging deeper.
I want to dig deeper in all of my relationships because I feel that's what God wants for all of us. We can do that by pursuing our friendships (and romantic relationships - please understand I am not trying to downplay that at all, because I think they are good and we learn a lot from them) instead of allowing ourselves to become apathetic about them. Choosing to do more than text or call, but writing letters just to write them or setting up regular "coffee dates" is a fantastic way to pursue those friendships. These are things I know I need to work on since I am not always the best at communication, but it's my lifetime goal to dig deep with you -the ones I call my friends.

Jesus, You Love Me More

I walked along this path called life searching for something I could not find.
I looked high and low; near and far; this place and that.
I searched for a love that would somehow complete me;
the kind of love I looked for that would fill the gaping whole in my chest I was so desperately trying to close.
I looked for this love in my family - one member after another.
Though their love was full and great, it was not enough to drown out the pain that gnawed at my heart.
I looked for this love in friends - girl friends and guy friends alike.
They too had a deep and sincere love, but it was a poor attempt to patch my heart together.
Finally I looked for love in boys - one relationship after another.
As one relationship would end another would start. Though this love seemed to fill the hole for a while, it only left the hole bigger after it ended.
After many failed attempts at finding love on my own love finally found me.
It searched for me from one end of the earth to the other - searching for MY heart in every place.
This love paid the ultimate price for me - life.
I did nothing to deserve this love; I didn't even know this love existed.
But it's here and now.
Jesus, you love me more than any one else can.
Your love is deeper, it is richer, it is purer than anything this world can offer me.
It satisfies my soul when I am wanting. It holds my heart when I am hurting. It reminds me of the unfathomable sincerity and unmatchable greatness when I try to find love in other places.
Jesus, you are the only one I need. You are the only one my heart truly yearns for.
Would you continue to remind me of who you are and how your love casts out all other fears.
Continue to woo my heart and let me fall deeper in love with you.