Fortress

"...The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?
"...The one thing I ask of the Lord - the thing I seek most - is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord's perfections and meditating in his Temple. For he will conceal me there when troubles come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock
"...My heart has heard you say, 'Come and talk with me.' And my heart responds, 'Lord, I am coming.'

"...Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path, for my enemies are waiting for me.
"Yet I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living.
"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."

Goodbyes

Goodbye - "farewell; a conventional expression used when parting."

I have had many farewells in the course my life, particularly in the last four years. It's possibly the most difficult time in ones life because of the constant and steady stream of people coming and going.

It starts with high school graduation when friends part ways to go to different schools and follow their dreams of being doctors, teachers, engineers and, in my case, missionaries. Some friends keep in touch, but for the most part when the summer ends so do friendships with 90% of the people you were closest with during the most important "shaping" years.

As you continue your education, whether formally or not, you meet new friends and acquaintances who help shape you just as your high school friends did. Another four years come and go and before you know it you have changed career paths four times and nearly given up on school innumerable times. Another graduation comes and goes and so do many friends with it. Some friends remain and end up being some of the ones standing up with you on your wedding day as bridesmaids and groomsmen, but what then?

As jobs change and families move to continue the pursuit of their dreams, what of those friendships that you leave behind? Will they last? What will change? What will stay the same?

Something that I have been learning in the last six months since living away from home, and therefore living away from 98% of my loved ones, is that communication and relationships takes work. It is not something that one can leave to chance or let Facebook or e-mail or whatever the newest form of "communication" technology is at the time.

Communication - "the act or process of communicating; the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions or information by speech, writing or signs." It's interesting that though this is an act, the dictionary defines it as a noun when really communication is a verb. To communicate requires time, effort and thought. I cannot simply assume that my mother knows what I am thinking or feeling, I must COMMUNICATE it to her in the best way I know how. Is it always easy to sit down, observe and evaluate my feelings and then articulate them through words? No. But I do it because I love her and it is a way I can show her as well as an opportunity to share the adventure I am currently living.

The truth is, all of us are on an adventure that others want to participate in. But if we do not communicate what is going on - with real letters, e-mail messages, or telephone conversations - others will never know. I think as each generation passes we have a whole new world of technology and information that has crippled us in terms of real communication. I remember when my mom would talk about the Oregon Trail wagon days when loved ones would move away from one another with the reality that they would likely never see one another again. Every page of every letter written was savored because stationary was so expensive and personal letters so rare. It took THOUGHT and EFFORT to pen each letter of every word. It took resources. But we see now that it is virtually free to write and send an email and it is not that expensive to write a real letter and mail it! But as communication becomes easier and easier it happens less and less. People hide behind their computer screens and "poke" one another on Facebook to say 'hello.' Friends "like" the thoughts or opinions their friends share on their 'status.' This is a cheap substitution for what real communication is. It is a false sense of friendship in a world that is so desperate for love and friendship we are looking just about everywhere for it.

I want to apologize for not being a good steward of communication. I want to talk to each one of you. I understand that time is precious and that is why it is that much more important for me to tell you how precious you are by writing to you and asking you how you are doing. I hope this has challenged you and perhaps the Lord has spoken some things to you like he has to me. I will try to be a better steward of change when it comes to real communication and I hope you will do the same; maybe together we can retrain our generation on what communication is and our quests for friendships will end, or at least our loneliness in the process of discovering friendship.

Processing

Humility. This is something that should come naturally to the human race considering how great, big, vast and unparalleled our God is. But unfortunately it is something that we seldom choose. In fact, we do not recognize the depth of our stubborn pride.

This is something I have been so convicted of in the last few weeks. I am prideful. It's the simple and humbling truth. As staff we were asked to make our decision to come back for the next SBS school by the end of January. Upon hearing this, panic seeped into my heart as I even considered staffing another year. Why? Because my ideas of where I will be next year and what I felt the Spirit tugging on my heart to do were different. If I staff another year it means giving up another nine months of my life to serve others, it means potentially spending another Christmas away from friends and family, it means giving up my hopes of going to university in the fall, it means giving up my plans to work and live out my "real life" in the "real world."

I think I've had this idea that once I'm out of YWAM my life will begin. Once I finish this adventure I can start to grow up. Isn't that a little backwards from most people my age? Most are stretching out their youth for as long as possible by partying, wasting money, wasting relationships, living day to day with the perspective that they need to get in as much "fun" as possible before settling down into their "boring" lives - including boring job, boring wife/husband, boring kids, and stupidly mundane lives. What is wrong with me? I am living the adventure of a lifetime and waiting for tomorrow to come when I will finally get off this joyride.

What I felt the Lord speaking to me through this initial panic is that I am trying to maintain control of my life when I gave up this control years ago when I said 'yes' to the cross and His plans for my life. In all his gentleness, yet sincerity, he told me that this IS my life. My problems - both great and small - will never go away. In John the author describes this using the life of Peter as an example. After Jesus has been crucified and buried, Peter goes back to the only thing he knows - fishing. He goes to make money and live his life just as he normally would because he is afraid to go on when his security is ripped away from him. Jesus was exciting and nothing like this had happened in over 400 years since the prophet Malachi. After Jesus died, the disciples were at risk because of the high profile they had during the life of Jesus. The Pharisees hated Jesus and thus, the disciples were afraid of what would happen now that they are seemingly what's left of him. But Peter is unsuccessful in the plans to return to fishing. It says that he does not catch anything which means that he was just as broke, if not worse, than he was just a few days prior to. Though he tried to make it on his own, Peter had no chance because those were not the plans the Lord had for him. Instead, it was Peter that God asked to feed and take care of his 'sheep' - followers of Jesus. It is Peter who spoke and led thousands to the Lord in a single day at Pentecost after the Holy Spirit had come upon him and the other disciples. It is Peter who eventually became the church leader in Jerusalem and was nailed to a cross upside down because he said he was not worthy to die the same death as his Savior.

What would have happened to Peter if he had just gone back to fishing? Would he have been successful? Possibly. Would he have lived the life of amazing miracles and passion in which he lived? Not likely. God knew who Peter was and the passion in which he lived his life and knew that Peter would not have enjoyed fishing as his 'calling.' Peter's life was full of the life of God because he allowed the Lord to change his plans as he followed him wholeheartedly.

I trust that the Lord will do the same for me. He knows me better than I do and how he has created me - my passions, talents, skills, experiences. I will have a full life, you will have a full life, if we simply trust in the plans of God and live passionately for the name of Jesus. He is worthy of our lives, even though we are so unworthy of His. He has called you. He desires you. He has called me and he will somehow make my dreams come true whenever and however he desires; it's all glory to his name.

God, I just pray that you will help me to trust in you and in your goodness for me. You ARE a good God and I know that you know me better than I know myself. You know my going out and my coming in; you discern my thoughts from afar; it is You who knew me even before I was born. I pray that I would bring honor to your name and that you would lead me and guide me where and when to go. Amen.

Where to begin when so much has happened already over the course of the last 5 months?

Staffing...Too big of a topic to handle upfront. Moving on to something a little smaller...

Living. Ironic that this topic would be a smaller one to tackle for the time being, but it is. Living. What does that even mean? "To live is Christ and to die is gain," spoken by the apostle Paul when he was discussing his predicament to the Philippian church in the first century AD. Paul is stuck in this situation where he truly wants to die and be with the Lord - simply because life with the Lord is much better than even the best and fullest life on earth, yet for his love of the church and understanding that they need him to encourage them, teach them and guide them through the humble beginnings of the Christian church Paul recognizes the need for him to remain on earth until the Lord himself calls Paul home.
What does this mean for me? What is my life and where am I going with it? These are the questions that have been running through my mind continuously the last month or so. Truly they have been running through my mind since my high school days, but how much more so since moving onto adulthood. What do I want my life to look like when I am 30? What about 50? What about 100? Will I even live that long?
We hear so often that a life unlived is no life at all, meaning that unless one lives life with no regrets and love with a love bigger than themselves they have not lived though they live to be old and gray. This is true. But what really is living? What does it look like? So many people spend their whole lives wondering if they are living it right. "Am I living it right? Am I living it right? Am I living it right? Why? Why Georgia, why?" are the words sung by the famous John Mayer. It's one of my favorite songs because it talks about the indecisive and confused nature of so many people - both young and old alike. There is a line that goes, "So what? So I've got a smile on. Don't believe me when I say I've got it all down." It makes me wonder if anyone really knows what they are doing in life.
Does God really call people to a certain occupation or does he simply let us choose? I think that regardless of what we do, as believers and followers of Christ, our simply responsibility regardless of occupation or location is to bring honor and glory to the name of the Lord. I think so many times we get so self focused and want to know all about 'My calling,' or 'My life goals,' or whether or not 'My dreams' are going to be fulfilled or not. What is that? God never intended HIS story to be all about us. We are a part of it, true; but that doesn't mean we are the star player or the grand finale. Everyone's story adds up to one thing: the glory of God displayed all across creation.
It's kind of a hard pill to swallow. I will be the first to admit that I have been going crazy trying to figure out my life and what it will be. Should I finish college, should I not finish college? Should I study this, should I study that? Should I remain in Australia awhile longer, should I go home? But what does it matter? Do I want to do those things? Do I want to finish school? Do I want to continue my stay in Australia? Of course. But too often I find myself comparing "my" God to a Magic 8 Ball expecting him to tell my destiny and give me success in everything I do and work wonders. But am I wanting it for his glory or my own?
I think this is a question everyone should ask themselves at some point or another, "Who am I living for?" Because the truth is, God will make his glory known whether it's through you or not. But personally I would much rather humble myself and give glory to God than be humbled and, like many people in the Bible, be used as an example of how not to live your life.

New

So many different things to say; where to begin?
New. Driving on the wrong side of the car, windshield wipers on the left side of steering wheel and blinkers on the right.
New. Driving on the left side of the road while passing traffic is on the right. Round abouts everywhere instead of stop signs.

New. There are no stop signs, simply "give way" signs indicating me to yield to traffic.

New. Instead of the right side being the slow traffic lane on the "motorway," otherwise known as the interstate, slow traffic is on the left side.
New. Shortening the words/names of any given word. Example, "I am going to Salvo's" (Salvation Army); "I attended 'uni' for a year before coming to SBS" (university); "Can we meet this alvo?" (Afternoon).

New. Phone numbers here are not comprised of xxx-xxx-xxxx; rather, it is xx-xxxx-xxxx. Therefore, if my phone number was 719-282-8504, in Australia it would be 71-9282-8504.

New. Teaching for the first time this morning as a real staff person.

New. Being nervous to teach and not feeling well to begin with to good dialogue and being able to answer good questions.

New. Discipling an amazing woman who is six years my senior.

New. Our one and only other male staff is going home tomorrow morning, leaving Bryan to disciple our six male students.
New. Feeling lonely due to the current depth of my relationships.

New. Excited for what God is doing in me and how he is teaching me that I only depend on him. He is where I find my identity.

New. Becoming confident in my calling here and in the things he will enable me to do.

New. This adventure I am embarking on. It is exciting, scary, nerve racking and amazing.

Bittersweet Endings and Exciting Adventures

Well, today is the day that could possibly change the rest of my life. I suppose we could say that about everyday of our lives since it is true that we never know what to expect; a simply moment could alter the course of our lives forever. However today I know some of the things I am to expect, for today I am moving away from my comfortable home in Colorado Springs, CO USA to go to a land down under. Today is the day I move to Queensland, Australia in order that I might teach others of the love of my Savior through his Word.

In ways this is a dream come true! I have wanted to visit Australia from the time I studied it in elementary school. The funny thing is I think what initially started my fascination with Aus is the fact that it was its own continent as well as country. Ahh, the logic of a child. :) At any rate, I have wanted to visit ever since. Now I feel like a kid in a candy store as God is asking me if I would like to visit the one place I have merely dreamed about going to. He is SO good to us! I will be on the Sunshine Coast of Australia for the next year or so teaching in a Bible school that I didn't even think I'd be able to finish as a student last year. I feel so inadequate for this role as a teacher and mentor, yet by the same token it has never been about me anyway. I am so excited for God to unleash giftings in me that I have never been able to see before. I know that through Him I will be able to do abundantly more than I ever imagined because THAT is the God I serve.

The reason this is bittersweet, however, is because of the loved ones I will be leaving in just a few short hours. There are so many big things that God is doing here in Colorado Springs and in the lives of the people I am blessed to call family. God is so faithful in pulling us together and closer to him even during the most difficult times we have gone through. Despite the pain of divorce, we have experienced the life of God flow richly through the lives of everyone involved. As children grow up and move on to new things - develop their own families, go on to further their education, and participate in new sports/activities, it becomes more difficult to be away and unable to celebrate with them.
The remaining category of loved ones is friends. I have met so many awesome, awesome people in the last year I have been home. It is so funny the people God brings into our lives; it is so different from who I would picture for myself. The older I get the more I realize that friendships come and go in seasons. Even a year and a half ago I did not expect for the friendships I had to change and move on, let alone be such good friends with those I had never even seen before. Once again, I see the faithfulness of the Lord. He knew exactly who I needed and those I did not in order that I may grow deeper in Him.

I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life in order that I might have such a solid support system for this new journey I am about to partake of. It is so difficult to have to leave these wonderful people, but I know that those friendships with both friends and family will stand the test of time and distance and will be all the more richer when I return. Thank you all so much for the love you have shown me. I look forward to telling you about the crazy adventures I was a part of and you can tell me the crazy adventures you've had on this side of the world.

Arithmetic by Brooke Fraser

I've been staring at the sky tonight,
Marveling and passing time;
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine.
You are the one I want, you are the one I want.

I've been thinking of changing my mind;
It never stays the same for long.
But of all the things I know for sure
You're the only certain one.
You are the one I want, you are the one I want.

I've been counting up all my wrongs
One sorry for each star.
See I'd apologize my way to you
If the heavens stretched that far.
You are the one I want, you are the one I want.

I won't find what I am looking for
If I only "see" by keeping score.
'Cause I know now you are so much more than arithmetic.

'Cause if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back.
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are the one
I want.

When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone,
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song

You'll still be the one I want.

Love

What is love? So many people spend their whole lives searching for it, but don't know what it looks like or how to find it. So many songs have been written asking "What is love?" "Is this love?" "When will I find love?"
The Bible talks about love from start to finish. It depicts the love of family, the love of friends and neighbors, romantic love and most importantly the love of God. It says that "God is love" (1 John 4:16). In 1 Corinthians love is described with many different adjectives:
Love is patient and kind; loves does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
All of the words used to describe what love is and what it is not are action words. Kindness does not simply sit dormant in a person, but it is revealed through their actions and words. Patience is not expressed by oneself, but in the presence of those around him/her. Insisting on one's own way could be expressed verbally or non-verbally through one's actions, but it is an expression both ways.
I love the song, "Love is a Verb" by DC Talk. I remember my brother listening to it when we were younger and I never understood what the song was saying. There is another song called "Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield. The lyrics are absolutely moving. It says that, "To some, love is a word that they can fall into. But when they're falling out keeping that word is hard to do." It goes on to say that love is a shelter in a raging storm - describing love as a safety net in ways. Another part of the song discusses that "Love is not a place to go as we please. It's a house we enter in and then commit to never leave."

Love is a choice. We choose to love the people closest to us; it is not something we follow by obligation, but something we do out of the choice we made to remain faithful and steadfast to that other person - regardless of if it is a friend, spouse, or a family member we haven't seen in 10+ years. We reveal that love through our actions and words to communicate the choice we have made in our hearts.

Many of my friends have gotten married or engaged in the last year or so. I am so excited to see where God takes them with their newly found significant other and the plans that he unfolds before them. My prayer for all of you is that you will always remember that love is an active choice that we make. May you actively love your families and friends around you through your words and actions; love is the number one commandment God asks of us because it is the most important for both the Lord and those around us. We all need to know that we are loved and feel it strongly so that we can remind ourselves of that love when we are feeling unloved.

Week of Wedding and End of School

Oh goodness. This week is my final week of school (And all the angels sing: "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!". I have two pretty big tests on Thursday and an in-class essay to write and then I'm basically done this week. I have to come back for one more final for my history class next week, but that's not until Tuesday. Anyway, this is all very exciting and all, but I also have a wedding that I'm in on Saturday complete with loads of wedding festivities this week while trying to prepare for tests. So, on Thursday after my final class ends at 6:45 I will be running like crazy to try and get to a bachelorette party all the way down south at 7:30 (and I don't usually get home until about 7:00 if I leave class right away and drive to my house which is about 5-7 minutes away). The bachelorette is an overnight deal, so the next morning I believe the plan is to go to the church and help decorate before the rehearsal brunch later in the day. After that I am having a friend spend the night (who is also a bridesmaid) at my house so that we can get up at the crack of dawn and do hair/makeup before pictures at 10:00 am (also clear the heck downtown). The wedding will start at 1:00 and then we will party hardy for the next several hours. Boy oh boy. I don't really know why I'm writing about this actually, but I'm just trying to map it all out in my head and try to swallow all the things I need to do before school ends.
I really do like weddings, and school isn't too bad (I've had a fairly easy semester), but this week is enough to make me go crazy... :p

As Deep Cries Out to Deep

Lately the Lord has just been pressing upon my heart this idea of deep crying out to deep. It started as I was listening to the song "Always" by Hillsong United; my heart was just so moved by the words of the song since that is exactly where I am at right now in my walk with the Lord ("Cause all you are is all I want always. Draw me close in your arms, O God, I wanna be with you."). Then I just started thinking (certainly had to be God, since I am not nearly that clever) about how as people we seek after depth, whether it be depth in friendships, romantic relationships, spirituality (in all sorts of forms), or something else.
Contrary to what pop culture tells us, humans are deep individuals who are not satisfied with what this world gives us because it is not enough. Are we selfish? Sure we are, but it goes beyond that. The reason we are not satisfied is because we so long for deeper meaning in life. God is such a big part of that deeper meaning that we need fulfilled, but relationships with other people are also a huge part of that. God meant for us to have fellowship with him AND each other! Let me say that again, God meant for us to have fellowship with him AND each other!!!
I know for myself I have always been under the impression that the only thing I need is Jesus and anytime I would get hurt by one of my friends it was no big deal because I didn't need them anyway. But that is so not what Jesus is about! He intended for us to have relationship with one another or he would never have given Eve to Adam in the very beginning of the world. The three of them had equal fellowship together. This is not to say that we do not need the Lord, because certainly we do. But what I am proposing is that it doesn't have to be an either or, it is both. One of my friends said one time (though he did steal it from one of his friends, so really I am quoting two people) that, "Some of the greatest things we learn about God we learn through the lives of the people around us." That is so true! We cannot have a healthy relationship with God unless we are in deep relationships with other people because we practice with them all of the things God is teaching us.
Something that is so sad to me is how our culture is obsessed with this idea of romance. All of the songs on the radio have to do with romantic ideas whether that be Taylor Swift's "Love Story" song, or "Whatcha Say" by Jason DeRulo. But if you think about it, dating relationships can be some of the deepest relationships we experience. It makes sense that people would want a part of that and would seek out others when those ones don't work out. But what if our other relationships were just as deep as those ones? What would happen? I wager to bet that our culture would become less enthralled with the idea of romantic love when all of our other relationships changed because we sought one another out and worked toward the goal of digging deeper.
I want to dig deeper in all of my relationships because I feel that's what God wants for all of us. We can do that by pursuing our friendships (and romantic relationships - please understand I am not trying to downplay that at all, because I think they are good and we learn a lot from them) instead of allowing ourselves to become apathetic about them. Choosing to do more than text or call, but writing letters just to write them or setting up regular "coffee dates" is a fantastic way to pursue those friendships. These are things I know I need to work on since I am not always the best at communication, but it's my lifetime goal to dig deep with you -the ones I call my friends.

Jesus, You Love Me More

I walked along this path called life searching for something I could not find.
I looked high and low; near and far; this place and that.
I searched for a love that would somehow complete me;
the kind of love I looked for that would fill the gaping whole in my chest I was so desperately trying to close.
I looked for this love in my family - one member after another.
Though their love was full and great, it was not enough to drown out the pain that gnawed at my heart.
I looked for this love in friends - girl friends and guy friends alike.
They too had a deep and sincere love, but it was a poor attempt to patch my heart together.
Finally I looked for love in boys - one relationship after another.
As one relationship would end another would start. Though this love seemed to fill the hole for a while, it only left the hole bigger after it ended.
After many failed attempts at finding love on my own love finally found me.
It searched for me from one end of the earth to the other - searching for MY heart in every place.
This love paid the ultimate price for me - life.
I did nothing to deserve this love; I didn't even know this love existed.
But it's here and now.
Jesus, you love me more than any one else can.
Your love is deeper, it is richer, it is purer than anything this world can offer me.
It satisfies my soul when I am wanting. It holds my heart when I am hurting. It reminds me of the unfathomable sincerity and unmatchable greatness when I try to find love in other places.
Jesus, you are the only one I need. You are the only one my heart truly yearns for.
Would you continue to remind me of who you are and how your love casts out all other fears.
Continue to woo my heart and let me fall deeper in love with you.

Boys and Girls

I'm sitting here laughing as I avoid the remainder of pages in my English Composition book (over 40 pages of reading in just ONE of the books we were assigned to - and it's not a novel book. Needless to say I was a little annoyed for the second day of class). The reason I am laughing is because of the difference between how a boy thinks vs. how a girl thinks. In the kitchen, not 20 feet away from where I am sitting, I hear Seth and Hadassah (my younger brother and sister) engage in a conversation that is so typical and clearly defines the logical method men use and the emotional method (or sometimes a lack-thereof) that women use.
Hadassah begins the conversation as she begins to cry over some unknown catastrophe. Seth, immediately in annoyed older brother mode, asks, "Hadassah, WHY are you CRYING?!" She responds with, "Because of my hotdog!" (Sniff, sniff) "What ABOUT your hotdog?" "It has Ketchup on it!" :(
At this point I am already chuckling at the absurdity of the 'dilemma.' Though I was giggling, Seth, being the practical older brother, tells her to wipe it off. Hadassah, seeing a glimmer of hope in the most devastating of circumstances, asks him how she should wipe it off to which Seth responds, "Your finger." Hadassah, immediately repelled by the retort, drops the subject and I am silently rolling on the floor (my door was open, so there was no hope whatsoever in keeping my laughter to myself without covering my mouth).
I just laughed and laughed thinking of various times that I have probably put different men throughout my life in similar situations where they are completely confused as to what the real problem is. It was just a funny little thing I witnessed that further proves the difference between how men and women think. :)

Desperation

It's amazing to see how desperate we are for God, yet how we can't see that desperation until HE reveals it to us. Lately I have just yearned to be with Jesus. I won't lie to you and say that I have satisfied that yearning every time. In fact, I haven't more times than I have - something that is quite humbling to admit. I feel like Paul when he is writing to the Romans and says 'what I want to do I don't do, but what I don't want to do, I do.' (paraphrased of course). Yet I have been jobless for the last year now and in the last few months have needed Jesus more than ever. I just recently started school at the local community college and realized that it will be a great opportunity for me to share my thoughts on the Lord and how everything we do comes as a result of our worldview of God (I'm very excited about my ethics class!) :)
God is everywhere and we cannot escape our need for him. I'm looking forward to this school year to see what he does in my life as he reminds me of my desperate need for him. My prayer is that he will show me how to show those around me in my classes and (hopefully) my work environment as I do what I want to do and press into him more and more! I pray that for you as well. :)

Okay, this is going to be a little less than thrilling for all you dog lovers out there

Alright now, I'm not really an animal person all around, but I thought this was funny.

Life at home has been a bit stressful just with lots of toddlers running around, spending most of my time on vacation than actually at my house and still needing to unpack my dorm stuff (a project I'm trying to tackle today). Anyway, I promise more is coming! In the meantime I hope you find this as humorous as I did. :)

Excerpts from the Dog's Daily Diary

8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - OH boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

Excerpts from the Cat's Daily Diary

Day 283 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house-plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of and try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmm...not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move, Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

"Esther" by Esterlyn

"He heals the broken hearted,
He binds their wounds
He is love

He finds those forgotten,
Those who have been abused
He is love

He knows your name

A father to the fatherless
A healer to the brokenness
You make beauty from the ashes
A helper to the helpless
A fighter to the hopeless
You love those who are alone

He comforts the lonely,
He hears their cry
He is love

He holds the children,
Throughout the night
He is love

A father to the fatherless
A healer to the brokenness
You make beauty from the ashes
A helper to the helpless
A fighter to the hopeless
You love those who are alone

Give us your heart Lord
Help us love the unseen
Give us your eyes Lord
Help us love those in need"

Convicted

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
but have not love,
I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
And if I have prophetic powers,
and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains,
but have not love,
I AM NOTHING.
If I give away all I have,
and if I deliver up my body to be burned,
but have not love,
I GAIN NOTHING."
- 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

What truth to be hit over the head with. Yesterday morning I went to Buns by the Lake, a local sort of "mom and pop" bakery. I was just setting up my computer to begin my long day of work since I had procrastinated long enough that I had the majority of my charts to do for the book of Matthew. I was the only other customer in the store since it was still fairly early in the morning when a man (possibly in his late 30's or early 40's) came in and ordered. He looked at me with an interesting glance as he walked in, but considering I was looking at him as well, I didn't think much of it. He came over and asked if it was my Colorado license out there to which I responded 'Yes.'
This got us to talking about many different things, among which was his second question of how I ended up in Somers, MT. I told him I was attending Bible college in Lakeside just down the road. A smile crept up on his face and this started my hour long conversation with this man. I was very concerned about my time, but God has been speaking to me a lot about getting out into the community and I believe that this includes the remainder of my time here in Montana. This man was very interesting to talk to since many of his thoughts had to do with quantum physics - something I know next to nothing about! However, he did believe in God - though he himself is not a church-goer. Through the course of our discussion I came to realize that he must have been deeply wounded by the church since even at my mention of Jesus commanding us to love one another he cringed. He didn't like the idea of God "commanding" us to do anything, he simply thought it was a "suggestion." He and I continued our conversation for awhile and then we parted ways.
This morning I was reading and, though I was not looking for this specific passage, I came to 1 Corinthians 13. I was convicted within the first three verses of the chapter in relation to my conversation I had with the man yesterday. I never caught his name, but I prayed for him after our discussion. Yet, one of his biggest arguments against the word "command" was that he thought it painted a picture of condemnation by God. What have we done as a church to give the lost this impression of the commandments of God? Do we look at his commandments as a chore, or as a joy? God's heart for us is that we love one another because HE FIRST LOVED US! I was convicted in the little things like laughing at some of the things he was saying - not to say they weren't funny, but am I really loving that person if I'm not loving them through my words both in front of him and behind his back? I guess this commandment is not always something we take seriously as Christians. This is the greatest commandment of all - to love both God and people. It has been a long time since I thought about how I love those who seem unloveable. Jesus is the one who touched the lepers when no one else would and he did it without laughing about their situation later. We, as the body of Christ, are called to live as he lived. Yet the impression that we give people of the love of God is wrong. We have made it seem "too hard" or like a joke and I believe it breaks the heart of God. I want to learn how to love people as he did - I want to be the one to touch the lepers when no one else will. I want to be the one who, rather than laughing at something as silly as a man trying to explain that everything (inlcuding inanimate objects) goes to heaven, I pray for his salvation and total truth to be revealed to him. I pray that as the body of Christ we would really do that by doing what he did through loving the unloveable. They are desperate for his love!

I've been to this temple in Chiang Rai, Thailand. It is called Wat Rong Khun and the most elaborate temple in all of Thailand. This is a picture of hell and the Thai people must pay to pass through the bridge (the hands are all around the outside to represent that the spiritually pure may enter the Buddhist temple.

Christ With Me

"Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye of everyone who sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me."
- St. Patrick

God, this is my prayer! I want everyone I come into contact with and everyone who hears of my testimony to see your fingerprints all over me. I don't want them to think I have done anything on my own but let them know the extent of your grace in my life. Let everything I say and think always reflect you and your love for humanity. Would you be my everything, O God?

Bittersweet Endings

I don't honestly know where to start with what I'm thinking and feeling right now. I'm just looking at the calendar counting down the days until my SBS experience will be over. Bittersweet is such a fitting word because it encompasses so many feelings all in one - you're sad, you're excited, you're afraid, you're confident, you're confused, you have a head full of knowledge...and the list continues.
This week I have felt as if I have so much time on my hands that I don't know what to do with. It's like the end of a race when you are still pushing hard, but you begin to slow your pace down. Going along with this analogy, my feet are tired from the long trek through SBS, yet looking around at those running with me I can see that the end is coming upon us all too soon. I will never be with these people all at once again and, though it is a harsh reality, I will likely never speak with many of them again. Some I will keep in contact with, but trying to stay in touch with 41 people - not including staff, is a tough job. I cannot express the growth I have experienced this year with these people - the good times and the hard times. It has been so amazing. I am surrounded by awesome people who are completely in love with Jesus and passionate! I hate to think about going home and realizing that not everyone is in love with Jesus, and many lose their passion.
On top of all of this, I am excited to come home and experience the continuation of this growth. I am excited to meet new people and move into different areas of ministry. It will be the turning the page of one chapter and beginning to write another. But the exciting part is that I am not the author - God is! He is so faithful. I'm laughing at myself because just 9 short months ago I was dreading the idea of SBS, and now everytime I see these people and look around at the beautiful lake surrounded by beautiful mountains, and when I hear the sound of the babbling brook, I can't help but think that I don't want to leave this place. It will be so good to be home. I keep getting confirming words that even when I don't know what I'll be doing for certain - whether that be school this fall, SBS staff in Australia, or even little things like where I will work - God has me right where he wants me. HE is the one who directs my steps. HE makes my paths straight. God, may I be faithful to the calling you have placed on my life for this season. I love you so much and am excited for the new adventures you have for me.
SBS - It's been my joy and privilege doing this school with you. I hope our paths cross again. You all are amazing people who love the Lord with all your hearts.

Home

I am SO excited for this coming weekend! In exactly 48 hours I will be on a plane headed home for my brother's high school graduation. I'll be home Friday, Saturday, Sunday and I'll get back to Lakeside around 8 pm Sunday. Work load is a little more stressful than usual and I'm a little disappointed in missing out on Annie and Justin's wedding this weekend, but I couldn't be happier that this is the weekend I get to go home. :)

On a slightly more awkward level, you know those moments that happen and you want to laugh out loud, but can't? Those moments that you feel totally awkward at the mistake of another person and there's nothing you can really do about it. This morning I was making toast in the cafeteria and I set my knife down for like .02 seconds to grab something. When I went to grab it again, it was gone! I thought, Where could I have possibly put it? It's not like there are THAT many places I could have lost it in here... At that moment I looked over at the sweet New Zealander standing next to me and noticed that where she did not have a knife a minute ago, she now had one. So I waited, trying not to laugh, knowing that soon she would be done and my knife would no longer be held hostage. But after she spread her butter around, she quickly grabbed a jelly pack and started spreading jelly on her bread. So finally I ran around to grab another knife so I could do the same. But by the time I had grabbed my second knife she was already done and enjoying her toast...(*sigh*) I guess there's a reason moms teach their kids how to share and be patient at a young age - they hope that you'll actually get it and be able to practice it in situations like these when you're older... :|

This week I have just been in awe of the love of Christ. I can't even fathom its depth. I can't grasp its height. I can't always see the length to which it reaches, but I can feel its strength. Every morning I wake up with such joy. That is a word that people have used to describe me over and over again. I can't explain it any other way than Christ's love in me. Yet at the same time, I oftentimes forget the reality of it all. I lose sight of who he is and what he has done in the busyness of life. Isn't that so amazing? How can one forget his love when it's something I read about everyday and experience every minute of every day?
I wish I could express on this single page how real and awesome the love of the Father is. It truly strikes such a chord in my spirit that leaves me in awe. We do nothing to deserve it, I do nothing to deserve. Yet it's mine for the taking - it's yours to take. I don't know if we'll ever be able to explain why it's ours, but that doesn't matter. It's one of those things in life that just simply IS. God is so great; his love is as great as he is because that is exactly WHAT and WHO he is! God is love and I am so blessed to have the privilege and honor of experiencing it.
Something I was thinking about a lot this week is just how God allows us to experience him. He's not just an idea or a distant source. He is personal. His love is personal and he wants all of us to experience it. My prayer for you is that God will reveal himself to you; that he will reveal his love to you. I can't say that I really know who "you" are, but God does. If you keep up with my blogging or if you're just passing through and stumbled upon this, know that it is not by accident. God just wanted to remind you of his love for you today. I pray that you experience it today in the things you see, hear, smell, taste and touch.