Convicted

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
but have not love,
I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
And if I have prophetic powers,
and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains,
but have not love,
I AM NOTHING.
If I give away all I have,
and if I deliver up my body to be burned,
but have not love,
I GAIN NOTHING."
- 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

What truth to be hit over the head with. Yesterday morning I went to Buns by the Lake, a local sort of "mom and pop" bakery. I was just setting up my computer to begin my long day of work since I had procrastinated long enough that I had the majority of my charts to do for the book of Matthew. I was the only other customer in the store since it was still fairly early in the morning when a man (possibly in his late 30's or early 40's) came in and ordered. He looked at me with an interesting glance as he walked in, but considering I was looking at him as well, I didn't think much of it. He came over and asked if it was my Colorado license out there to which I responded 'Yes.'
This got us to talking about many different things, among which was his second question of how I ended up in Somers, MT. I told him I was attending Bible college in Lakeside just down the road. A smile crept up on his face and this started my hour long conversation with this man. I was very concerned about my time, but God has been speaking to me a lot about getting out into the community and I believe that this includes the remainder of my time here in Montana. This man was very interesting to talk to since many of his thoughts had to do with quantum physics - something I know next to nothing about! However, he did believe in God - though he himself is not a church-goer. Through the course of our discussion I came to realize that he must have been deeply wounded by the church since even at my mention of Jesus commanding us to love one another he cringed. He didn't like the idea of God "commanding" us to do anything, he simply thought it was a "suggestion." He and I continued our conversation for awhile and then we parted ways.
This morning I was reading and, though I was not looking for this specific passage, I came to 1 Corinthians 13. I was convicted within the first three verses of the chapter in relation to my conversation I had with the man yesterday. I never caught his name, but I prayed for him after our discussion. Yet, one of his biggest arguments against the word "command" was that he thought it painted a picture of condemnation by God. What have we done as a church to give the lost this impression of the commandments of God? Do we look at his commandments as a chore, or as a joy? God's heart for us is that we love one another because HE FIRST LOVED US! I was convicted in the little things like laughing at some of the things he was saying - not to say they weren't funny, but am I really loving that person if I'm not loving them through my words both in front of him and behind his back? I guess this commandment is not always something we take seriously as Christians. This is the greatest commandment of all - to love both God and people. It has been a long time since I thought about how I love those who seem unloveable. Jesus is the one who touched the lepers when no one else would and he did it without laughing about their situation later. We, as the body of Christ, are called to live as he lived. Yet the impression that we give people of the love of God is wrong. We have made it seem "too hard" or like a joke and I believe it breaks the heart of God. I want to learn how to love people as he did - I want to be the one to touch the lepers when no one else will. I want to be the one who, rather than laughing at something as silly as a man trying to explain that everything (inlcuding inanimate objects) goes to heaven, I pray for his salvation and total truth to be revealed to him. I pray that as the body of Christ we would really do that by doing what he did through loving the unloveable. They are desperate for his love!

I've been to this temple in Chiang Rai, Thailand. It is called Wat Rong Khun and the most elaborate temple in all of Thailand. This is a picture of hell and the Thai people must pay to pass through the bridge (the hands are all around the outside to represent that the spiritually pure may enter the Buddhist temple.

Christ With Me

"Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye of everyone who sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me."
- St. Patrick

God, this is my prayer! I want everyone I come into contact with and everyone who hears of my testimony to see your fingerprints all over me. I don't want them to think I have done anything on my own but let them know the extent of your grace in my life. Let everything I say and think always reflect you and your love for humanity. Would you be my everything, O God?

Bittersweet Endings

I don't honestly know where to start with what I'm thinking and feeling right now. I'm just looking at the calendar counting down the days until my SBS experience will be over. Bittersweet is such a fitting word because it encompasses so many feelings all in one - you're sad, you're excited, you're afraid, you're confident, you're confused, you have a head full of knowledge...and the list continues.
This week I have felt as if I have so much time on my hands that I don't know what to do with. It's like the end of a race when you are still pushing hard, but you begin to slow your pace down. Going along with this analogy, my feet are tired from the long trek through SBS, yet looking around at those running with me I can see that the end is coming upon us all too soon. I will never be with these people all at once again and, though it is a harsh reality, I will likely never speak with many of them again. Some I will keep in contact with, but trying to stay in touch with 41 people - not including staff, is a tough job. I cannot express the growth I have experienced this year with these people - the good times and the hard times. It has been so amazing. I am surrounded by awesome people who are completely in love with Jesus and passionate! I hate to think about going home and realizing that not everyone is in love with Jesus, and many lose their passion.
On top of all of this, I am excited to come home and experience the continuation of this growth. I am excited to meet new people and move into different areas of ministry. It will be the turning the page of one chapter and beginning to write another. But the exciting part is that I am not the author - God is! He is so faithful. I'm laughing at myself because just 9 short months ago I was dreading the idea of SBS, and now everytime I see these people and look around at the beautiful lake surrounded by beautiful mountains, and when I hear the sound of the babbling brook, I can't help but think that I don't want to leave this place. It will be so good to be home. I keep getting confirming words that even when I don't know what I'll be doing for certain - whether that be school this fall, SBS staff in Australia, or even little things like where I will work - God has me right where he wants me. HE is the one who directs my steps. HE makes my paths straight. God, may I be faithful to the calling you have placed on my life for this season. I love you so much and am excited for the new adventures you have for me.
SBS - It's been my joy and privilege doing this school with you. I hope our paths cross again. You all are amazing people who love the Lord with all your hearts.

Home

I am SO excited for this coming weekend! In exactly 48 hours I will be on a plane headed home for my brother's high school graduation. I'll be home Friday, Saturday, Sunday and I'll get back to Lakeside around 8 pm Sunday. Work load is a little more stressful than usual and I'm a little disappointed in missing out on Annie and Justin's wedding this weekend, but I couldn't be happier that this is the weekend I get to go home. :)

On a slightly more awkward level, you know those moments that happen and you want to laugh out loud, but can't? Those moments that you feel totally awkward at the mistake of another person and there's nothing you can really do about it. This morning I was making toast in the cafeteria and I set my knife down for like .02 seconds to grab something. When I went to grab it again, it was gone! I thought, Where could I have possibly put it? It's not like there are THAT many places I could have lost it in here... At that moment I looked over at the sweet New Zealander standing next to me and noticed that where she did not have a knife a minute ago, she now had one. So I waited, trying not to laugh, knowing that soon she would be done and my knife would no longer be held hostage. But after she spread her butter around, she quickly grabbed a jelly pack and started spreading jelly on her bread. So finally I ran around to grab another knife so I could do the same. But by the time I had grabbed my second knife she was already done and enjoying her toast...(*sigh*) I guess there's a reason moms teach their kids how to share and be patient at a young age - they hope that you'll actually get it and be able to practice it in situations like these when you're older... :|

This week I have just been in awe of the love of Christ. I can't even fathom its depth. I can't grasp its height. I can't always see the length to which it reaches, but I can feel its strength. Every morning I wake up with such joy. That is a word that people have used to describe me over and over again. I can't explain it any other way than Christ's love in me. Yet at the same time, I oftentimes forget the reality of it all. I lose sight of who he is and what he has done in the busyness of life. Isn't that so amazing? How can one forget his love when it's something I read about everyday and experience every minute of every day?
I wish I could express on this single page how real and awesome the love of the Father is. It truly strikes such a chord in my spirit that leaves me in awe. We do nothing to deserve it, I do nothing to deserve. Yet it's mine for the taking - it's yours to take. I don't know if we'll ever be able to explain why it's ours, but that doesn't matter. It's one of those things in life that just simply IS. God is so great; his love is as great as he is because that is exactly WHAT and WHO he is! God is love and I am so blessed to have the privilege and honor of experiencing it.
Something I was thinking about a lot this week is just how God allows us to experience him. He's not just an idea or a distant source. He is personal. His love is personal and he wants all of us to experience it. My prayer for you is that God will reveal himself to you; that he will reveal his love to you. I can't say that I really know who "you" are, but God does. If you keep up with my blogging or if you're just passing through and stumbled upon this, know that it is not by accident. God just wanted to remind you of his love for you today. I pray that you experience it today in the things you see, hear, smell, taste and touch.

Swing Dancing

This weekend a friend of mine on the base, Mark, and some guys from Big Fork hosted a swing dance workshop at the base. They flew a couple of people from Seattle out to teach some lindy hop lessons and then we danced a bit for the last couple of hours. It was so much fun! I've never done lindy before, so that was definitely a learning experience. I felt bad for some of the guys who danced with me a bit because I was thoroughly confused and very tired, but we made it through. :D Had a good time dancing with some of the guys on base as well as meeting/dancing with some others I didn't know. It makes me excited to come back home and make it a weekly thing either at the VFW or AFA. I learned the Shim Sham line dance...actually quite difficult, especially comparing it to other line dances like the Electric Slide, etc. Anyway, all-in-all it was a lot of fun. I was proud of every one and the effort they put forth to learn new things - including myself! :)

Sunday

Well, I have tried to write a couple of different things lately, but haven't had much time to do so. Let's see, what did I do today?

• Got lost in Kalispell a couple of time just wandering around going wherever happened to suit my fancy at that given time...thrift store, random side roads...Wait, how do I get back? Turn around...start again...Somers...back home again... :)
• Went to Wal-Mart for deodorant and found a couple of good movies - Memoirs of a Geisha and The Trouble with Angels
  
• Went to Starbucks and McDonalds...because the two go hand-in-hand...?
• Ate a very awkward dinner with what was supposed to be an "all guys" table...sorry, Eirik. :/
• Will eventually watch The Trouble with Angels later today
• Will watch Hooker's basketball game (Hooker is his last name for those of you who are confused right now)
• Then I'll be going to bed fairly early tonight...hopefully (*Fingers crossed*)

My weekend = Sweet. :)