Goodbyes

Goodbye - "farewell; a conventional expression used when parting."

I have had many farewells in the course my life, particularly in the last four years. It's possibly the most difficult time in ones life because of the constant and steady stream of people coming and going.

It starts with high school graduation when friends part ways to go to different schools and follow their dreams of being doctors, teachers, engineers and, in my case, missionaries. Some friends keep in touch, but for the most part when the summer ends so do friendships with 90% of the people you were closest with during the most important "shaping" years.

As you continue your education, whether formally or not, you meet new friends and acquaintances who help shape you just as your high school friends did. Another four years come and go and before you know it you have changed career paths four times and nearly given up on school innumerable times. Another graduation comes and goes and so do many friends with it. Some friends remain and end up being some of the ones standing up with you on your wedding day as bridesmaids and groomsmen, but what then?

As jobs change and families move to continue the pursuit of their dreams, what of those friendships that you leave behind? Will they last? What will change? What will stay the same?

Something that I have been learning in the last six months since living away from home, and therefore living away from 98% of my loved ones, is that communication and relationships takes work. It is not something that one can leave to chance or let Facebook or e-mail or whatever the newest form of "communication" technology is at the time.

Communication - "the act or process of communicating; the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions or information by speech, writing or signs." It's interesting that though this is an act, the dictionary defines it as a noun when really communication is a verb. To communicate requires time, effort and thought. I cannot simply assume that my mother knows what I am thinking or feeling, I must COMMUNICATE it to her in the best way I know how. Is it always easy to sit down, observe and evaluate my feelings and then articulate them through words? No. But I do it because I love her and it is a way I can show her as well as an opportunity to share the adventure I am currently living.

The truth is, all of us are on an adventure that others want to participate in. But if we do not communicate what is going on - with real letters, e-mail messages, or telephone conversations - others will never know. I think as each generation passes we have a whole new world of technology and information that has crippled us in terms of real communication. I remember when my mom would talk about the Oregon Trail wagon days when loved ones would move away from one another with the reality that they would likely never see one another again. Every page of every letter written was savored because stationary was so expensive and personal letters so rare. It took THOUGHT and EFFORT to pen each letter of every word. It took resources. But we see now that it is virtually free to write and send an email and it is not that expensive to write a real letter and mail it! But as communication becomes easier and easier it happens less and less. People hide behind their computer screens and "poke" one another on Facebook to say 'hello.' Friends "like" the thoughts or opinions their friends share on their 'status.' This is a cheap substitution for what real communication is. It is a false sense of friendship in a world that is so desperate for love and friendship we are looking just about everywhere for it.

I want to apologize for not being a good steward of communication. I want to talk to each one of you. I understand that time is precious and that is why it is that much more important for me to tell you how precious you are by writing to you and asking you how you are doing. I hope this has challenged you and perhaps the Lord has spoken some things to you like he has to me. I will try to be a better steward of change when it comes to real communication and I hope you will do the same; maybe together we can retrain our generation on what communication is and our quests for friendships will end, or at least our loneliness in the process of discovering friendship.